Secrets of Overthinking: How Mindfulness Helped Me Overcome My Anxiety & Overthinking

Published On: May 12, 2022

Categories: Meditation, Mindfulness

Hello, it is I, Charlene a former champion overthinker. I thought, overthought & second-guessed everything. It’s not a joke to say that I could have spent YEARS obsessively ruminating over a situation that happened. No matter what the situation, my head always made it out to be the biggest thing in the world. While everyone else forgot about it 10 years later I would still cringe & get embarrassed over it.

And when you’re still experiencing second-hand embarrassment years later it can make it almost impossible to imagine that you could ever stop feeling like this.

But there is a better way, trust me.

It took me a long time to figure out how to stop overthinking and overcome my anxiety but I did and have never looked back.

Even writing this post I’m remembering all the time I spent overthinking things because of my anxiety.

Convinced that “I could never” do something, say something, heck even wear something.

Turns out I could and nothing terrible happened when I did.

If it involved speaking to someone I pretty much ran away. Now? I teach workshops regularly, have guested on a number of podcasts, and have traveled on my own meeting new people & making friends along the way.

All things that younger Charlene thought were completely impossible.

But it’s not and I’m here to show you how.

Secrets of Overthinking & Anxiety

The thing is, overthinking & anxiety lets us know what scares us.

I know, you’re thinking, “of course, my anxiety tells me what I’m afraid of!”

But when you slow down and pay attention to your thoughts & where your anxiety shows up you can really dig in and understand what’s causing it and why.

And when we know what’s here we can work with what’s here.

Like when I used to worry about speaking in public what I was really worried about was being judged by others. I used to spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about what other people thought of me.

Here’s the thing, we are all so caught up in our own lives that no one is really paying that much attention to you.

As Alexis so eloquently says in one of my favourite shows.

how to stop overthinking & anxiety

The only person judging me was me. 🤯

And the moment that I realized that was the moment that everything changed.

Thoughts are just thoughts…

I’ll be honest, my anxiety can send my thoughts in some pretty interesting directions.

At the time I was dating a guy and it took him a little longer than usual to respond to my text 3 minutes later I was convinced it was because he was secretly married and had a whole other family. I’m embarrassed to admit that my mind went there in a very short amount of time.

But the second that I had that thought I realized that my anxiety was feeding my inner critic and I needed to take a moment and settle myself back down.

And then of course he messaged me back a few minutes later because he didn’t have a secret family. He was busy living his life like all of us are.

I could provide a number of embarrassing stories (which is a judgment) of the times that my anxiety led to overthinking and to me making mountains out of molehills. Or even creating problems where there were none.

When your overthinking creates problems that don’t exist…

Here’s one more.

I get migraines pretty frequently. And sometimes they end with me 🤮🤮. There was a night I was out with some friends, old & new when I developed a migraine and needed to get the heck out of there before the inevitable happened.

Did I tell people why I was going home early? Or course not. Why? Because I believed that people would ask me why I get migraines (?!) and I didn’t want to tell them. See, I get migraines because I was hit by a bus. And I was worried about telling these new friends because ultimately I hadn’t yet come to terms with my new reality of my brain injury. At the moment I was worried that they would judge me for it and not want to hang out with me.

Which is only a thought and one that was 1000% not true – these people are all still my friends and they all know (now) about my accident.

But because I was worried and was overthinking the situation I made it into a thing that it didn’t need to be. Do you know how many people get migraines? A LOT.

How to Stop Overthinking & Anxiety

I know, I know, I’m a broken record. But the way to stop overthinking & anxiety is by paying attention to your thoughts. And the way to do that is with mindfulness meditation.

I had NO IDEA how my thoughts were keeping me stuck in anxiety UNTIL I started paying attention to them.

The more that we pay attention to our thoughts the better equipped we are to calm down. That’s why mindfulness meditation is the quickest & most effective way to stop overthinking & calm your mind.

Overthinking can trick us, especially when it happens with anxiety. We think that we’re practicing some coping skills by imagining the worst case scenario – but what we are really doing is ruminating on all the possible ways that things can go horribly as a way to convince ourselves not to even bother.

There is a way to think about possible problems and plan for them as a coping strategy and it’s one that I teach inside my coaching programs – you can sign up for the waitlist for that here.

A parable that I use with my coaching clients to help them to understand this is the lion & the mouse.

I share about it in this video but the basic idea is:

You come home from work and sitting in the middle of your living room is a lion!! OH NO!! Your body, naturally, goes into fight or flight mode because there’s a lion in you living room. You panic but eventually calm down enough to get the situation sorted out. All is now well in your world, phew! Cut to 3 weeks later, you once again come home from work and sitting in the middle of your living room is a mouse! EEK!! And because your body remembers the lion you immediately jump right back into fight or flight mode… Only this time it’s a mouse, not a lion. Our fight or flight system is designed to help keep us safe but with all the different stressors that we face on any given day, sometimes it gets things wrong. This is where mindfulness & learning how to pay attention to your thoughts can help with your anxiety – because it can help you to recognize when you’re in fight or flight over a mouse instead of a lion.

The next time you are positive that it’s a lion in your living room, STOP, pay attention to what’s happening and really look at what’s going on because maybe it’s a mouse.

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Charlene Gethons

Hey there, I'm Charlene!

I help creative entrepreneurs with chronic illness create a sustainable business that fits their lifestyle without letting imposter syndrome take over.

Charlene is an entrepreneur, psychotherapist and mindfulness coach living with chronic illness after she was hit by a bus.

August brought with it a lot of firsts and some new adventures...
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✨ first time traveling since my surgeries
✨ first time visiting Ireland since we lost Dad
✨ first time my youngest niblings came for a sleepover - and a “double sleepover” (2 nights) at that!
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Changing the environment or your routine can help on the healing journey. 
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💕It can help you to be present in this moment. 
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💕To practice curiosity. 
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💕And to get out of your comfort zone. 
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All parts of a mindfulness meditation practice. 
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Mindfulness has been the #1 thing that has helped me to heal my anxiety and to help me navigate my new & challenging path. 
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Moment by moment. Breathe by breath. 
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Join me now inside my 7 day free mindfulness challenge to learn how to quickly calm your mind. 
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Click the link in my bio to sign up today. 💕🙏🏻🧘🏻‍♀️
My mom and I have very different reading styles. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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She likes to read a few chapters in bed as part of her settling routine. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I just like to read. Haha. I can curl up with a book for hours and be perfectly pleasant. I do not bring a book into bed with me because it will just lead to me being up all night until I finish it. 😳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Just one more chapter.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“I’ll put it down at the end of this chapter.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“I’m only going to read for an hour.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Just a little bit more and then I’ll put it down.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Well, there’s only one chapter left, I might as well finish it.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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🎶It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. 🎶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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👆🏻 a true story that has happened more times than I care to admit. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Which is why I don’t bring a book into bed with me. 😆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Growing up, I always carried a book with me. I still remember sitting in class, pulling a book out and hiding it in my lap to read during lessons. Oops. 😳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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🚗 trips? I'd be in the backseat with a book reading by the light of the streetlamp. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✈️ ride? I'd have a book with me on the plane and a few more in my suitcase. I no longer travel with physical copies of books - only ebooks - to save room for souvenirs. 😉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I love to read. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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While my mom and I differ on our reading styles, the one thing we can both agree on is that we love a good romance novel and anything by Kate Morton. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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In fact the only time my mom has struggled to put down a book is if it's by Kate Morton. We both had a couple of late nights recently reading her newest novel Homecoming. It was too good, I highly recommend it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What are you currently reading? Let me know in the comments below 👇👇
Life lately. Good friends, good food, and a cute puppy. 🥰👯‍♀️🍕🐶🌺
The 4 things your body needs you to do to heal.
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These are all strategies that I use regularly and that I’ve taught my clients/students over the years. 
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They are all proven strategies and skills that work when our bodies are in distress. 
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level 1 - mild, some distress, feel like you can manage it, and move your way through it with some assistance. Take a deep breath and bring your attention back to whatever you’ve been doing. So, if I notice distress as I’m writing an IG caption, I take a breath, notice where it is in my body and gently guide my awareness back to the task. 
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Level 2 - put my hand on my sternum, take several breaths, and remind myself I’m safe
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Level 3 - can’t focus so I distract myself with something that doesn’t require too much thinking - like baking, organizing some papers, or cleaning up my room. 
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Level 4 - get up and move. This is a distress tolerance skill that I teach inside my programs. It’s quick, it’s intense and it works. It’s one (of several) skills that can help your body quickly regulate itself. 
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Mindfulness helps me to recognize what level I am at and to remember to use the skill that matches it. 
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Somedays, I can start at a level one and then quickly move straight to a level 4. 
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Somedays I can be at a 0 and then boom, I’m a level 4 and I need to grab my shoes and go. 
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Mindfulness not only helps me to recognize what level I’m at and what strategy I need but it also helps me to not mentally beat myself up for not being further ahead on this healing journey. 
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To give myself and my body all the time it needs to heal.
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Now it’s your turn to do the same. You can get started working with me, and learning how to use mindfulness to heal by signing up for my free challenge in the link in my bio.
How to recognize if it’s a bear or a mouse...
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Sometimes on our healing journey we see bears when really it’s a mouse. 
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I teach this to my students as The Lion vs The Mouse. 
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This parable is a reminder that sometimes our trauma and anxiety continues to see lions even when everything’s fine. 
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Especially when that trauma is related to our health. 
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Every little sensation can trigger a reaction and send you into fight or flight. 
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With my history of scars not healing and leading to more surgery it’s no wonder that this time around I was hyper vigilant with my scar. 
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But this vigilance, might feel helpful, it isn’t always. 
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My vigilance, trauma, and anxiety resulted in several panic attacks as my scar healed. 
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Even after getting the “all clear” from FOUR doctors my trauma continued to tell me that something was wrong and that I was in danger. 
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My eyes knew that it was healing but my vigilant part was too scared from past experience to let down its guard and relax. 
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So this is the deep inner healing work that I’ve been engaged with this year. 
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In my next video I dive deeper into exactly what I have been doing to regulate my nervous system each time my trauma response shows up. 
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Healing can happen, it just takes (a lot of) time. 
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Mindfulness helps me to remember to be compassionate towards all of my parts in these moments. To take care of the scared and vigilant parts. To thank them for their service and to gently remind them that they are not needed now. 
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To breathe deep, and to return to this moment.
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Stayed tuned for Friday’s video where I will share the 4 different strategies that you can use when that mouse shows up but it feels like a lion.
I’ve felt like I’ve been chased by a bear for the last 3 years.
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That’s what trauma can feel like. 
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And after being in survival mode for sooo long it can be hard for our body to recognize that it’s safe. 
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While logically, I know that everything is fine, my nervous system hasn’t got the memo. 
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I’ll be working on a puzzle in the kitchen, and out of nowhere I’ll feel like if I don’t get out of here I’m going to jump out of my skin. 
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Like if I could physically leave my body, I would.
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And this is coming from a trauma-informed psychotherapist with over 10 years in the mental health field. 
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Healing trauma takes time. 
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Our bodies need to learn that it’s okay and that they can stop being vigilant all the time. 
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That your parts that have been keeping watch can let down their guard. 
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It will take time. There will be some resistance. 
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Which is where mindfulness comes in. It helps me to recognize when my vigilant parts have come online so that I can talk to them, thank them for their service and remind them that they are safe.
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As many times as they need the reminder. 
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It’s a journey and one that I am mindfully taking. 😉
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It’s hard work but it’s necessary work. It’s all part of the healing process. 
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This is how I am healing my trauma. Moment by moment. Breath by breath. 💕🙏🏻🧘🏻‍♀️
My mom couldn’t believe what had just happened, “I almost fell off my chair". 
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We were in Florida for one of my mindfulness trainings around my moms birthday so I took her on a Jungle River Cruise showboat. 
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I had never been on one of these before so I didn't realize that we all ate together at huge picnic tables as a way to make it more communal & sociable - this would have been my worst nightmare before. 
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But not anymore. 
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We sat down beside each other, got our meals, chatted a bit & then I turned to the person beside me, introduced myself and struck up a brief conversation. 
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And my mother almost fell off her chair!
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She couldn’t believe it. She told me afterwards that she thought to herself: “who is this and where is my daughter!” 
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Because she knew how shy I had always been. How speaking to even family members that I hadn’t seen in awhile would trigger my anxiety. And here I was speaking to a complete stranger by my own volition. 
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Learning mindfulness honestly turned me into a new woman. 
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It taught me how to get out of my head and into my life. 
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To stop overthinking and second guessing everything. 
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To stop worrying all the time about what someone else might be thinking about me. 
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To stop judging myself all. The. Time. 
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To just be. 
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Life changing. 
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All thanks to mindfulness. 
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I learned how to heal my anxiety. To heal my burnout. To navigate extremely tough and challenging situations. To get out of my head & into my life. 
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It is my goal in life to help you to learn how to do the same. 
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Which is why I created my FREE 7 day challenge (link in bio) to help you learn how to quiet the noise & quickly calm your mind in under 10 minutes.
This morning, slow down and take a moment with your cup of coffee. ☕️⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ Feel the weight of the cup in your hands.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ Notice the colours made by the mix of coffee and milk⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ Smell the aroma emanating from your cup⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ Hear the sounds of the world around you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ Slowly take a sip and notice all the flavours you can taste. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When you bring your 5 senses to any activity you’re doing - like drinking a cup of coffee - you can turn it into a mindfulness practice. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Slow down, breathe in, and be in this moment. 💕🙏🏻🧘🏻‍♀️
🎶🎶 It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me 🎶🎶​​​​​​​​​
Hello, it is I, Charlene, chronic overthinker and the source of most of my anxiety. 

And this was before I was hit by a bus. 

Over the years I missed out on a lot of opportunities because I was so in my head worrying and overthinking everything. 

The amount of "what ifs" that would run through my head in a day over something that might NEVER happen was too many to count. 

I would worry that I would say something "stupid" in front of my classmates, colleagues or friends. So instead I wouldn't say anything. 

This held me back in so many ways over the years. 

And then I was hit by a bus, my anxiety went through the roof, and in an effort to manage it, I learned mindfulness meditation. 

Suddenly, my anxiety was under control, I could TALK to people, and I stopped living in my head. 

I learned how to get out of my head and into my life. 

Now, I am on a journey to help 1000 individuals to learn how they to can use mindfulness meditation to heal their anxiety and get out of their heads. 

You can get started with me, right now, for $0, with my 7 day mindfulness meditation challenge. 

Inside this challenge you will learn how to quickly calm your mind in just 10 minutes a day. 

Click the link in my bio to get join me. 💕🙏🏻🧘🏻‍♀️
Here's to 42!! Thank you so much everyone for all the birthday wishes!!🥰🥰
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I had a great day celebrating with family over a delicious BBQ prepared by my mom and big brother. 
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I was a little spoiled this year as I also had a surprise celebration a week early with some of my extended family. 
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The past few years have been tough to say the least so it was extra important to take the time to celebrate. Here's to a new year full of good health! 🎉🥳