what is negative self talk

What No One Tells You About Negative Self Talk

Published On: February 18, 2022

Here’s the thing that no one is telling you about your negative self talk. It serves a purpose and is there to protect us.

Did you know that the average person has 60,000 thoughts a day! And of those 60,000 thoughts 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive.

Which means that for the majority of the day we have a constant loop of negative thoughts and judgements. running through our head.

As humans we gravitate towards the negative because our brains are wired this way as a result of our evolution. At one point this helped us to pay attention to threats and increased our chances at survival.

So of course our minds focus on the negative, your brain is simply doing what it has learned to do!

Also called our inner critic, this voice, has been around since the time that we were running from sabre tooth tigers. But if we are no longer constantly in danger of being eaten what is the reason for our negative self talk?

To protect us when we’re in danger. So when it pops up as you’re walking in a dark alley – it’s looking out for you.

When it pops up in your business? It’s telling you that your body & mind feel like they are in danger.

The thing is, our mind can’t distinguish between real danger and imagined danger.

If you’ve ever had a nightmare where you were being chased and woke up feeling like you had actually been running (heart beating fast, pulse racing, out of breath) you know what I mean.

The next time you’re negative self talk shows up, give it a listen, and pay attention to what it’s saying & where/when it’s showing up for you.

How to Work With Your Negative Self Talk

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5 Steps to Managing Your Negative Self Talk

  • Pay attention to your inner critic
  • Think of it like an old friend
  • Remember thoughts are just thoughts – they’re not facts
  • Bring curiosity to it
  • Say it out loud

As an entrepreneur, negative self talk shows up a lot, especially when I’m looking to do something that takes me out of my comfort zone.

The thing is, I have never dreamed of running my own business. I was quite content to show up, do my work & go home at the end of the day.

And then I was hit by a bus and everything changed.

Suddenly I needed to work in a way that supported my disability and chronic illness.

Running a business with a brain injury has it’s challenges one of which is the negative self talk that can show up usually in the form of imposter syndrome & comparison-its.

Two things that show up for most entrepreneurs – even those without a brain injury.

Pay attention to your inner critic

Like that I “should” be doing more, that I “should work more hours” or that I’m not “good enough” compared to my contemporaries.

By paying attention to when and where negative self-talk shows up you can learn to work with it before it becomes a problem.

Because when we know what’s here, we can work with what’s here.

Practicing an awareness of thoughts meditation, like you’ll find inside of my program Silencing Your Inner Critic, gives you the tools you need to start paying attention in this way.

The thing that no one tells you about negative self-talk is that you can’t get rid of this voice but you can develop a relationship with it.

It’s a part of you but this voice isn’t you. Keeping this in mind can give you distance and help you to avoid attacking yourself. Which leads to the next way we can manage this voice.

Think of it like an old friend

Instead of seeing this voice as an enemy, why not look at it as an old friend? I know, sometimes this might feel impossible but trust me you can do it.

Our negative self-talk exists to keep us safe. But over the years its started to get a little confused and mixes up stepping outside of our comfort zone with being in physical danger.

When we shift to recognizing that it’s only looking out for us when can bring in some compassion and kindness.

Instead of continuing to mentally beat yourself up for these thoughts & judgements why not talk to this voice like you would your best friend?

“Hello, nice to see you. Why don’t you hang out here awhile? I know that you’re trying to help me out but I got this.”

Because whatever is showing up for you in this moment, you do in fact got this, and mindfulness will help you learn how to trust in this.

Thoughts are not facts

When self-doubt shows up (which it will) remember and recognize this voice for what it is – a thought not a fact.

Just because I might think something, it doesn’t make it true.

I can think that I’m not a writer but the amount of blog posts, emails, sales pages etc. that I’ve written over the years would beg to differ.

If I notice that my inner critic is constantly comparing me to other writers and it’s telling me that I’m an imposter because “who do you think you are? You’re not a writer! This copy sucks!” I have 2 choices to make in this moment.

  1. I can choose to listen to this voice, believe that I suck as a writer and that no one will ever want to read what I write so what’s the point and I should just give up now.
  2. OR I can notice that this is an area where I don’t feel confident in my skills so I can… work on them. I can take a class on copywriting, I can hire a copywriter to work with me, or I can keep plugging away at my copywriting until I feel better about it.

Option #1 is the do-nothing approach which keeps us stuck and feeling crappy all the time. And when we feel crappy about something we tend to avoid it – which is a results in a never end cycle where we never get better at copywriting.

Option #2 gives us something to work on. We recognize that my thought might feel like a fact but it doesn’t have to be. I can bring some curiosity to this moment & to this thought and then choose to work with it.

Be curious

This is option #2 in action.

Being curious about our thoughts means digging a little deeper into them.

Where and when do they show up? Do these thoughts only show up when you’re launching a program? or jumping on video? or telling people that you’ve started a business?

Put on your investigators hat and find out the underlying reason & emotion that feeds it.

As you’ve learned already, when you know what’s here, you can work with what’s here.

So be a little curious.

Say it out loud

Now, this one might seem weird, but hear me out. The next time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk say it out loud.

Because sometimes we don’t really “hear” the things that we say to ourselves until we say them out loud.

Saying it out loud is one way to shock the system. It gets you to realize just how mean that voice can be. It reminds us that we would NEVER talk to our friends the way that we sometimes talk to ourselves.

Negative Self Talk & Entrepreneurs

Now that you’ve learned the role of the inner critic and how it shows up in our lives you can understand more about how to work with it.

Our brains have been wired towards the negative as a result of evolution. While this has helped us to pay attention to threats to increase our odds of survival it’s no longer needed in quite the same way.

When we focus on the negative our brains are just doing what they have learned how to do.

But in this present day modern-life this life-saving bias is no longer as useful.

And this bias is one that we can ALL work to overcome.

By consciously developing new habits & patterns we can re-wire our brains away from this negativity bias to bring in more positivity.

This shift is incredibly helpful on our path as entrepreneurs. Inside my program, Silencing Your Inner Critic, I give you the tools & practices that you need to start learning how to work WITH your negative self-talk so that you can continue to move forwards with your business and life goals.

This 3 part program will provide you with actionable tips and strategies that you can start using today. Click the button below to get started today.

Get Silencing Your Inner Critic Today what no one tells you about negative self talk

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Charlene Gethons

Hey there, I'm Charlene!

I help creative entrepreneurs with chronic illness create a sustainable business that fits their lifestyle without letting imposter syndrome take over.

Charlene is an entrepreneur, psychotherapist and mindfulness coach living with chronic illness after she was hit by a bus.

This week on 🎙️ Calm Amidst the Chaos🎙️, I share a little bit about what it’s been like being a high achiever who now has a traumatic brain injury. 
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I speak vulnerably about the shift from being a in a “race car” to now driving an older model with a faulty gas gauge and all that that entails. 
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And how mindfulness has been a game-changer for me during this time. 
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Since learning mindfulness I’ve created the tools, practices and strategies to help me navigate the difficult and challenging times. 
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✨ To help me to deal with the anxieties and stress that come along with running my own business. 
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✨To meet the sadness and the moments when I am feeling disappointed, frustrated and depressed as a result of my life being turned upside down in a moment - twice. 
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✨ To continue to show up and serve every day because I know just how truly valuable this information is and that everyone needs to know it. 
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It is my goal to help other entrepreneurs with chronic illnesses and disabilities to heal their anxiety so that they can prevent and manage their burnout. 
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Join me on my podcast this week as I share my journey of rebuilding and finding strength in the face of adversity. 🌟💪 
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Click the link in my bio to sign up for my FREE 7 day mindfulness meditation challenge so that you can start to build your meditation toolkit to prepare for difficult and challenging times. 
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#Rebuilding #FindingStrength #NewBeginnings  #Mindfulness #PresentMoment #CalmAmidstChaos #traumaticbraininjury #highachiever
🌟 Life can change in an instant, and it's not always easy to navigate the new reality. Today, I'm sharing my journey of rebuilding after a traumatic brain injury. Join me in my virtual living room as we talk about resilience and finding joy amidst the chaos. 🌈✨ #MindfulnessJourney #Rebuilding #FindingJoy
Did you know that in addition to online courses I also have been brought in to lead a mindfulness workshop at other companies/organizations?
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Over the last 7 years I have helped people learn how to quickly calm their mind when they are feeling stressed or anxious. All by using nothing but your breath. 
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I’ve taught at TD, AMEX, the TDSB, and BIAYR. I’ve even led a meditation (virtually) from the inside of the ROM during the pandemic!
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Each workshop I’ve taught has been tailored to the population and setting that I was going to be speaking at. 
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The common denominator is reducing stress so that you can prevent burnout. 
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Want to learn more about how we can work together? Send me a quick email at the link in my bio.
Feeling overwhelmed? Try the STOP practice

✨S - stop what you’re doing
✨T - take a breath
✨O - observe what is going on inside and outside of you
✨P - proceed mindfully

This practice helps you to notice what’s going on, to allow the experience to be, just as it is. By taking a moment to STOP you also give yourself the chance to CHOOSE how you want to respond. 

Feeling overwhelmed? STOP and take a moment to choose what you want to do next. Do you need to take a break? Grab a coffee? Ask for some help? 

Feeling frustrated? Do you need to get some air? To head outside for a quick walk? 

This practice helps you to consciously acknowledge, in any moment, the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are affecting you. 

To notice when your inner critic is showing up, to notice what it is saying to you AND to remember that thoughts are just thoughts. They’re not facts. 

The more you do this practice the more you can notice your thoughts without attaching to them. To let them go without attaching to them. 

To hear the inner critic, acknowledge that it’s just a thought, and that you can choose whether to listen to it or not. This is what mindfulness helps us to do. 

Ready to get started? Join me inside my FREE 7 day mindfulness challenge and create your very own meditation toolkit today. 

Click the link in my bio to join me.
Hey everyone! 😄 

Have you ever found yourself overthinking and blowing things out of proportion? 🤔

 We've all been there! In my podcast episode, I shared a personal story about how my catastrophizing thoughts almost ruined a date 😅 and how mindfulness helped me find calm amidst the chaos. 

Give it a listen and let me know if you can relate! 🎧 (link in my bio)

#FindingCalm #Overthinking #MindfulnessJourney
Getting all the scritches and belly rubs today. 🎉🥳🎂
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🌿 Hey there, grab a cup of coffee and join me in my virtual living room. ⁣
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It can motivate us and help us achieve our goals. It's all about finding that sweet spot. 

Let's dive into understanding stress and how we can manage it effectively. 

#StressManagement #FindYourSweetSpot
I can’t believe it’s February already! I don’t know about you but January felt like it was 3 months long. ⁣
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